how can she seriously think that..

i'm sort of laughing but not really, it's more of a what the ??

Sis seems to think that Erik being here won't make anybody upset..
she seemed to think that Mom and Dad won't have a 
problem with him being here, after what he did the 
last time he was here..

Mom has it forever stuck in her head that Erik is a devil, 
he's damaged and no good, becuz the last time Erik was here, 
he stood up to Mom and yelled back at her that 
she can't tell him what to do..
she will never get over that, especially now in her condition, 
it's forever, on a repeating loop, that yelling exchange incident..
he can't apologize for that, he can't do anything nice, 
he can't make amends..  he's forever fucked as far as 
Mom's concerned..
she will never be forgiving to him..

and Dad is still mad that Erik kept going into episodes and 
kept destroying Sis' life and walked away every time..  
she's had to change everything, every time Erik would 
go into an episode..
she's had to clean up the whirlwind of destruction 
he made as he flipped out..
and she's had to explain in a way that he could understand, 
to little Chris about why daddy left him.. again...  
his little heart breaks every time that happens..  
i hate to see him so upset and then there are the 
months of nightmares, that mommy leaves him too..

i'm still amazed and shocked, that Sis would think 
that nobody would be upset by Erik's presence..
i'm even still upset and not quite as forgiving either 
by what he's done..
but the amazing actress that i am, i should be given an 
oscar for this..
i can just pretend that everything is fine..  
i'm being civil and even a little bit nice, for little Chris' sake and 
for Sis too..
but i'm also stuck in the middle, Mom and Dad always 
grilling me about Erik and i have to drop a few little lies 
to placate them..
my stomach is in knots with the pressure..

Erik was supposed to stay at a friend's house, 
so that our parents wouldn't be upset, that 
didn't seem to work out..
i now know it was a smokescreen of bullshit..  
he's been staying here..

i feel left out of everything now..  
i don't have that connection to her and chris anymore..
little Chris has been so happy that i don't want to hurt him 
or see him hurt..
and Sis and Erik have been all over each other since he's arrived..
as far as i know, they are back together.. again..
and i'm not asking, i will be so upset if i do know..  
i'm pretty sure of the answer, just by the way they are always 
all over each other..
and Erik always follows her around like a puppy..

the job search isn't going very well..  
signing up for all the job search sites,
 have only gotten me more telemarketing calls and 
not actual job interviews..  dammit..
for the digital age, why does wanting someone to 
call you back for a job opening take forever??
isn't the new technology supposed to make things easier..??  
instead, it's making everything harder and more inconvenient..