bound and gagged six foot deep..

Paul only calls me when he's horny now and so i'm just the fun time booty call...
he keeps talking of plans for us to take some small holidays to vegas or out camping, 
but has he made the effort to make those happen..  

NO..

i know he's busy working A LOT..  and i don't know what else he's doing, but i'm 
getting that funny feeling that he's just telling me stuff to appease me..
since i haven't really pushed him to do anything..  i'm sure he thinks he has it easy
with me..  
i'm low maintenance..  i'm lucky if i get a phone call every couple of months now..

whatever..

he hasn't even made an effort to get his own place if he makes as much money as he tells me he makes..  so it's still sneaking around behind his old lady gf's back for some time together..  

and the last couple of times he's called me, it sounds like he's on meth again, becuz he's really silly sounding and right there, i don't want him around becuz he's not thinking at all..  it bums me out when he's high or drunk and it makes me feel a bit angry..  he knows that i hate it when he is high or drunk, he knows i don't like it..

so any plans we've discussed about a future is all bullshit..
he just wants a fun time booty call woman, one that doesn't make demands on him, 
one that doesn't expect anything from him..
yeah, i know where i stand..  he claims that he loves me but he hasn't shown me anything other than booty call and phone calls once a month, if that..

he doesn't realize how much i'm disappointed in him..
he doesn't realize that a once in a while phone call while he's high, doesn't inspire confidence in a life where children are wanted and will be provided for, bills will be paid..
he's more of a dreamer than i am and yet..  all these plans he is thinking about, will never come to be, becuz he won't follow thru, since he still has to drink and do drugs instead..  and not grow up at all..

i'm hurt, i'm angry and i'm seriously disappointed in him..
i can't depend on him at all..  i never could..  and i guess i still can't..

but i will still take the amazing sex that i have with him..  
at least that's one thing that i can keep.. for awhile...