Red Slash..

Paul and i spent the last couple of days having the most amazing sex, and it was something more than just sex..  
i finally found out what making love really is..


he is the only one where i feel completely comfortable with myself naked, and we have some fun with it but it's almost like a melding of souls..  we connect on more than just a physical level, it's as close to spiritual as i can think of..


he was texting me in the early hours yesterday morning..  like at 3 am, telling me how in love with me he is, and how he will give me a perfect life and he will never let me go this time, and now he can't sleep becuz he wants to be with me all the time..


on and on it went..  i had to calm him down and remind him that we have lots of time to work on whatever we have and not to rush into any half assed commitments..


it was the most romantic sweetest and heartfelt thing i've ever had told to me, but i'm not sure how long "the feeling" will last with him..
i'm still not convinced that he won't leave me after a while..


if what he says is all true, then great, i will be more than willing to try again to have a life with him..


BUT..
there's still that seed of doubt, that he would always be looking for the better deal..


i would like to be wrong..  my eyes are too wide open to have any faith..


or maybe becuz Sis' ex douche had promised the same thing before and once again letting her and little C down..


there's the other thing, if this is my wish being fulfilled to have someone to love and to love me back, to have a family..
then i can't turn this away or reject it..


the last 2 years have been of wishes being granted..
i have asked for many things from the universe, that each one was granted and i had to take them when they came to me..  and then if i realized that it wasn't working out, i thanked the powers that be for bringing me what i wanted and then went on to the next wish on my list..


if this is another one, then i have to take it..  don't i?  how would i know that it wasn't??


i don't know..  and i just have to go for it and see what happens..


do i really have feelings for Paul and this isn't just a rebound thing or something out of of desperation?
i'm very sure i do have feelings for him..  and that he keeps professing his love for me, i can't turn it away..  it feels too right for it to be wrong..