what is dead, should stay dead..

Paul and i are done..

he threw me under the bus over and over again yesterday just to save his own ass with his gf..

after i spent hours and hours on the phone with him to help him thru a crisis that had him scared and panicking, i get repaid by being forced into a cat fight with his gf, which i had refused to fight since he sacrificed me to save himself...

he called me so that i would talk to her to "work this out"..

SERIOUSLY? ARE YOU BRAIN DAMAGED??

i adamantly refused to talk to her and she grabbed the phone from his hand to start yelling at me to stay away from him and to not contact him at all..

i just hung up on her becuz i wasn't going to agree to anything..

and then..

HE CALLED ME BACK!

i turned off my phone..

WTF??

he didn't know what to do about us.. and so once again, i made the choice easy for him.. i hung up and will not answer him..

how fucked up is that? that i get used as cannon fodder to save him, while he hangs me out in the wind..

he had been telling me for months about how controlling she is, and nagging, annoying.. and then yesterday morning.. he was telling me that she makes things easy for him, she gives him his freedom and how much he realizes he's hurting her with his snapping at her and treating her badly..

i felt like i was in a twilight zone episode, where everything is ass backwards and inside out..

and then, making us fight over him..? no way was i gonna play..

i'm waiting for him to message me with an explanation.. but it might not come for a while.. after all he has to play kiss ass to her, so that he can keep his free ride, and leave me as the bad guy..

fine, i'm the bad guy..

i'm also the sin eater, eating my own sins as well as his..

love is always cruel to me..

once again, i took a chance that backfired in my face and kicked me in the nuts..

but i was more prepared for a fallout, it was coming and i knew it..

so i'm not as hurt as i could be..
i'm very angry in being put in such a position..
becuz i put myself here and also was manuevered here by him..

it's over now.. and i'm done with him..

and my heart is turning back to blackest stone and growing cold..
this time, the cold doesn't hurt..

i did get what i needed out of all of this misadventure..

i got an apology from him for the whole divorce mess, i got the story on why
he left such a mess for me to clean up, and i got to forgive him since i was also a monster in that mess that made him run..

and.. i had gotten some really amazing mindblowing sex..

so it wasn't all bad..

but then.. "everything has to end badly or else it will never end"..

a quote from the movie COCKTAILS.. and it's true..