pretty much settled but missing something..

i'm pretty much settled into my own place and now have a really good job at a local cellular phone company..

i now can get along with my mom, even tho she still does have her hateful moments, and realizing that her condition is more along the lines of dementia and not a stroke..
trying to get her to a therapist is next to impossible, becuz she and my dad have such a thing against them, to them it's admitting that there is serious illness, which for now can be just kept hush hush..


i've been battling with the CA DMV STILL to get a damm duplicate title for my car.. it's going on 6 months that they have not sent me just that stupid piece of paper..

i've been to every outlet i could think of to get someone to help me, but there can't be anything done.. except now i'm turning to the local tv news stations to get a story out there that CA DMV is the biggest overpaid slackers in the country.. we'll see where that goes..
but as it is, my final option is to go to the closest CA town near me, about 45 mins away and go to the DMV there to get my dupe title..



but lately my life is feeling pretty empty..
i have this void that i could just keep buried and ignore, but now it's not wanting to stay locked up..
why do i feel such a craving to be loved?
the love of family and friends doesn't seem to be able to placate it.
i've been having dreams of previous men that i deeply loved and how we were when we were together and how it made me feel so complete..
that's all i'm wanting is to feel complete.. right now i'm just existing without a real purpose..

i just dreamed about my ex-husband again..
that we were married and we were so in love , but then i found him on the bed with 2 women and they were a bit too cozy for me, and i grew very jealous and angry.. and got into a big fight where he left..

what is my subconscious wanting me to understand? what am i supposed to know or remember?

other than to not be jealous of innocent situations, but with him, those situations weren't innocent, he had sex with other women while we were married and i didn't know about it until he was deciding to leave me.. i had been so blind to what he was doing and now i know the signs..

but why do i keep dreaming of him every now and then? it's been 10+ years..
i have dealt with it and put it away in my mind.. or am i being shown something i need to do? but not with him..


dreams are so mysterious and puzzling..
i've been trying to understand my dreams, i know they are messages..
either from myself or a higher force.. but they are messages none the less..