it's amazing how far they go..

i'm so amazed by how far my parents have gone to make sure that i do come home..

my dad purchased a place across the street from them for me to live in, knowing that we can't really live together.. after all i'm almost 40.. and even tho shit happens and you have to start all over again.. it's pretty embarrassing to live with your parents at this age..

no matter what you try to tell yourself, it just doesn't ease the utter embarrassment that you feel.. and just temporarily.. is never just that..

but i don't have to worry about that now.. i have my own place..
and in a little more than 2 weeks.. i am leaving california for good..

i'm both excited but also feeling a bit bad.. that i'm going back to my hometown that i wanted to never go back to..
that town taught me about all the evils of human nature.. including some friends who weren't really my friends, that almost destroyed me..

but i feel confident that i won't be sucked in again like that..
i'm too awake.. and too wary..

i luv my parents and i've been feeling a need to see them before that time.. that i don't even want to think about that time..

and no i don't luv them just becuz they bought me a house.. i've always luved them but never felt that they accepted who and what i am..
i always felt i was doing the wrong things.. and could never meet their approval..

and it's all changed now.. that we are older and more mature.. and even realizing that the past things are just that.. in the past and needing to get over and beyond..

it's quite amazing to me of all the past hurts that they inflicted on me when i was younger..
i don't even care about anymore..

isn't it funny.. how when you get older.. your perspective and thoughts change quite a bit..