she's not coming home..

well.. Scorp didn't come home as originally planned..

i went out to AZ, January 14th, to help her get packed up and to rent a van to carry her stuff, the baby's stuff and us back to california..

Wardog, our baby sis, got back from Iraq, but then was only there for a 2 week break before she had to go back to Iraq for a contract extention til May..
she had asked all of the family if we would be willing to watch her kids for an extra 5 months.. and we all said no..
but that didn't matter.. she signed up for an extention on her contract anyway.. everyone be dammed..

everyone is pissed that she did that.. but she doesn't care..
i should have been mad, but i wasn't.. it was so good to see her after 2 years..
she is so skinny.. a size 4..
apparently, she says it's from working 14 hours shifts and exercising and worrying about her kids.. (yeah right..)
i know she is doing what she thinks is good for her kids.. but she hasn't been there thru their whole violent acting out of missing her..
i feel sorry for those kids who have to stay with our parents..
our parents have gotten back into their old habits of beating kids, yelling at them, humiliating them and just tearing them down.. and our mom won't let them play with toys or watch tv.. she expects them to just sit and be quiet after they get home from school..
hello??!.. they are only 7 and 5 yrs old for goddsakes.. totally unrealistic expectations from kids so young..
but Wardog didn't want to hear that our mom severely punishes them for just existing..
and so me and Scorp didn't tell her..

but that first monday.. it was just a sister outing with the baby.. to talk and catch up a bit.. and for Wardog to cuddle and hold the baby for a while..
she asked us to stay an extra day so that she could spend time with the baby..
which we did agree.. it was only fair.. since she just arrived around the same time i did..
and us sisters spent the night in Wardog's trailer with the kids..

tuesday.. we got to do a sister breakfast at IHOP.. after the kids went to school.. and we gave Mom an excuse for us to get out of the house without her..
we had errands to run..
Wardog wanted to get her car windshield fixed since her husband Ray never did..
and i wanted to find a rental van for the trip back to cali.. and plus spend as much time as possible out away from mom.. before it was time to pick up the kids from school..

we went to several rental places.. until we found one that would accommodate our needs..
i reserved a mini van for wednesday morning.. it had a killer stereo system.. and even a dvd player for the backseat passengers.. i had bought some movies monday night.. but Scorp didn't want to watch any while we were driving..

that night after we picked up the kids from school.. and waited for dad to get home from work.. it was decided that the family would go out for a farewell dinner for me and Scorp and the baby..
we went to this pretty good buffet place.. we stuffed ourselves.. which was bad for me.. the damm dessert got me feeling icky.. too much chocolate..

early wednesday morning.. Scorp and i were up before dawn..
she stayed in her room with the baby.. to nurse him..
Wardog took the kids to school.. we forgot to say goodbye to them.. and they were upset after they got home.. and we were gone..
i saw my dad leave at 5:30 am for work from the window.. we didn't say goodbye to him either.. and he was pretty hurt by that..
Wardog took me out to the rental place to pick up the van later that morning..
and i found out that i couldn't rent the damm thing.. my credit check wasn't good enough..
even tho i had the money to rent it even with an extra deposit for a debit card..
so Wardog rented it for me.. and i paid her the cash for it before we left..
but when i was on my way back with the van.. i apparently missed a big blowout with Scorp, Mom and Wardog..
i got back to see that nothing was packed.. and i found them all at Mom's.. Scorp and Mom were crying..
i was a bit pissed and we were pressed for time.. i had to be back home by Friday for work..
we were leaving a day late.. and we were being held up by some argument..

i interrupted the whole thing.. by saying i needed Scorp to pack up becuz we have to leave..
we left the baby with Wardog and Mom while Scorp and i scrambled to pack as fast as we can..
she was pretty upset and furious.. i could feel her rage of emotions at the argument..
and becuz she was upset and scattered.. i felt unfocused..
and we forgot to pack some things.. which were left behind.. which might or might not be shipped by them.. it doesn't matter..

after we had the van packed up.. and we got the baby..
Mom and Wardog tried to confront Scorp about finishing the argument.. which the gist of it was about money Scorp thought she was owed from our parents for working for their business office for a few months.. while our mom was recovering from her back surgery..
and she was told that they didn't owe her anything.. and that made her very furious..
that she was trying to earn back some money to take home since shithead had completely drained her bank account during his psycho episode..
and our parents wouldn't give any help..

Scorp wouldn't talk to them anymore.. she was so pissed off she couldn't speak anymore.. without yelling.. and she was tired of yelling.. she and the baby got into the van and she refused to even look at them..

i was left standing there.. as the middle man.. trying to diffuse the whole thing..
it was very uncomfortable.. but i'm good at mediating..
i told them not to bother with the money thing.. i was cashing out the rest of my 401K to give Scorp money to get a car and help her for a while..
but for now, they weren't gonna get anywhere with Scorp in her present state of rage..
it was best that we just part company for now and let things cool down..

Mom was balling her eyes out, saying that she would write a check right there for $4000, if she wanted..
i told her no.. Scorp won't take anything now.. just leave it alone.. and don't worry about it..

i hugged and kissed my mom and Wardog goodbye.. as the tears started to stream down my face.. and finally got into the van and drove off away from there..

Scorp and i spent the first few hours just crying and venting..
and in her angered state, she decided to go to sactown to visit shithead and his mom for a while.. to spite our family..
and it hurt me too.. but i refused to talk her out of it.. i don't think it was a good idea..
it was too soon to go see him.. he was only on meds for almost 2 weeks.. not quite long enough to be stable.. in my opinion..
but becuz of the blowup.. she made up her mind.. she knew it was the one place that our parents wouldn't call or visit..

and that angered me severely.. i don't trust him at all.. medication or not..
but i'm being the better sister and just supporting her decisions.. since our parents stopped validating her adulthood the whole time she was out there..
i told her how i felt but i also told her that i would support whatever she decided..

and so i left her and the baby in sactown with shithead and his mom.. and early thursday morning.. i came back home.. becuz that friday i had to work..

i miss her and the baby..
i'm feeling wary and apprehensive about them being there with him.. hoping and praying that he doesn't do anything to harm them..
before i left, he swore to me that he would never hurt them.. i told him that if he did, i would come back and cut off his balls.. and he accepted that..
he seemed ok.. almost like his old self before his flip out..
i didn't talk to him much.. i was too angry.. and plus i still hate him for what he did to us..
but for Scorp's sake... i was able to be civil to him.. and keep my thoughts to myself..

i've been calling her since i left her there.. and now she's not coming home anytime soon..
she applied for welfare and cash aid for the baby.. which they were immediately approved.. and are gonna be getting their first checks in a couple of days..

i'm still working on cleaning up this place..
i have quite a long list now of things to fix..
and since i'm not working that much at the station right now.. i can only do one project at a time..
with the little money coming in.. after i pay rent and bills..

i guess i'm on my own now.. and gonna be that way for a while..

it's not fair that our family can't just love each other without a price..

i almost wished me and my sisters had been orphaned.. we might have had a better life with a different family..