house of misery, house of pain..

i came to a sick realization about why my mother has to tear me down when things are going good for me..

becuz she's very jealous that i do things that she only wishes she could do..

from the movie, CHRISTINE, where Arnie says, "that part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids".. is very true for me since my mother hates anything that i accomplish..

she will never be proud of me.. even going back to school to better my job/career situation.. she totally hates since she's been trying to sabotage me since day 1 of class this year, but i beat her, i passed my classes with As and a B..

and her coming over everyday, telling me how to clean the house, or fold clothes and put things away and always reminding me that this house is not my house, i'm just living here out of her generosity.. just to drive a few more nails into my skin..

after i came to my epiphany or moment of clarity, i laughed and then cried and then became angry but i can't say anything to her becuz she will deny it.. even tho her actions and words, say otherwise..

she used to drive me to the brink of suicide when i was younger but now, she makes me remember why i left my hometown in the first place and never wanted to return, and then i figure, i've got it way better than living on the streets since that is where i was headed back in eureka..

so you can go home, but there is always a price to pay to do it..