am i asking too much?

am i asking too much to be happy?

everyone has a theory about what would make me happy.. and they aren't even close..

my mom seems to think that i'm having a hormone imbalance that's causing my darker moods to come out.. she might have a point.. her solution is for me to go visit her doctor, whose into alternative medicines(i'm not against alternative medicines, i'd prefer them over regular meds) and have him prescribe herbals that could put my fluxing hormones into balance.. that could possibly help.. but why should i have to take meds to be happy?

other people seem to think that i should find something that i enjoy doing..
but that's the problem.. nothing is enjoyable to me right now..

not even my radio show anymore.. which was the whole reason for me to pursue a radio career..

and finding different jobs that could make me happy.. is way too hard to do is this messed up economy..
jobs are getting harder and harder to find..

i'll be lucky if i can find one when i get back to arizona.. and i might have to take another schmuck job just to have some monies coming in..

part of me is wanting to just stay here and stick it out becuz i have 2 jobs.. granted they are paying the bills.. but it's not building the bank account..
becuz i'm not a quitter.. i stick it out and hang in there..

except for now.. i can't hang on anymore..
i'm so sick and tired of everything..
i hate having to work so hard, and not getting a big payoff..
i've been working harder and not really smarter..
but for here.. i'm not sure what would be the smarter choices.. there's not any higher paying jobs around here.. unless you have a degree.. which i don't.. and even then it's not guaranteed you would get those higher paying jobs..

so it's a puzzle wrapped in an enigma inside a spiralling toilet drain that's just sucking the life out of me..

and that is the question.. what would make me happy?

i just don't know right now..