taking a break from my hobby..

it's going on 4 weeks that i've been away from my radio show..

it's funny how when i take time away from the studio, people really notice that i'm gone..
but when i'm there, nobody really pays attention..

i'm not getting paid for doing my goth muzik show.. it's a volunteer thing that has allowed me to get the experience to run the equipment and getting comfortable with the microphone and learning about how radio stations work.. and even have the freedom to make my own promos and recordings..
public radio is really laid back about such things.. so different from commercial radio..

what finally pushed me to take another hiatus break is the phone calls i get late at night..
some really whacked out nutcases call up just to fuck with me on the phone..
some calls are quite laughable but others are quite disturbing that really creep you out for the whole time..
security has always been an issue with me, in case some of these psychos ever decide to show up.. security is never available during the late night hours..
something could happen to me and nobody would really know or care.. and that's what freaked out my sister during the "incidents" we had of some stalkers or a stalker.. we never did find out.. and security never did help us in any way to feel safe or make an effort to investigate or try to stop such occurences..

when my hobby of being a radio dj is turning into a chore, i knew it was time to walk away for a bit again..

it had always been my dream of being a radio dj with my own show, and i finally had the chance to do so..
it's been 8 years of doing my show and now i have to take a break from it all again or else i would start saying some hateful things on the air to vent my anger.. and that would be bad since i never on the air mentioned my insecurities about the psycho nuts who are my listeners and fans..
but i think the time will have to come that i address such an issue..

and i hate that management will not do anything to help me deal with such things..
i wish we had a counselor of some type to talk to about how to handle and put into perspective about these whack jobs.. that would help me quite a bit, to be able to talk to someone about this, to help me feel better..
but as it is.. i'm on my own..
and it was coming down to i started to hate my hobby of being late night entertainment on the radio..

at least management was quite agreeable to let me have the time off that i needed to recharge.. that was one good thing that they did for me..

it's still hard to believe that a radio dj can be life or death for some listener..??
most of the callers that call me, make the request sound like it's so freaking important or else they might do something crazy to punish me if i don't play the songs they want..

why? why is it that important? and why would they want to hurt me if don't do what they ask?
doesn't that seem a bit extreme?