lonely..

my sister Scorp has been gone for almost a month now.. and it's been really lonely without her..
there's nobody to come home to.. except for the cats.. which they have been more demanding to cuddle with me.. and the youngest one in heat..
i'm getting her fixed soon.. i found a low income program that it will only cost me $10 to get her fixed!!!

it's hard to keep my focus.. on what i need to do..
sometimes while i'm laying in the dark.. i wonder what the hell i'm doing..
but then i remember my plans.. and that i have a plan to follow.. for the great migration out of here..

my hours have been cut at the radio station now.. the new sales staff haven't yet sold the summer concert series.. and so there's no budget for me to do extra work.. except for my board operating schedule.. at $7.50 an hour.. (it's a pitiful wage.. but then they hold the position in such "high" standard.. yeah.. right..)

so now i have to get a 2nd job.. and hopefully the job offer from a friend who has a store in the mall will work out to give me some extra monies for the bills and rent..

i've been crying a lot more now.. by myself.. in my room..
sappy love movies have been on.. and they have been affecting me in such a way..
like children of a lesser god.. bruce almighty.. and such movies like that..

i am now wanting what i have been denying myself..
i feel my heart aching for what i haven't had in the longest time..
my cold black heart.. seems to be yearning and wanting..
and i don't know what i'm gonna do.. i'm not comfortable going out to meet people..
but it seems that i'm gonna have to some time.. to have what i want.. i need to go out and find it.. i think i'll try to hold on until i've moved..