realizing that some things you can't try again..

i had to finally see that you can't ever go back to a past event and try again..
it's not a video game with a redo the level..

life just doesn't work that way sometimes..

i cancelled my friend request to my friend.. if he had wanted to talk to me he would have done so by now..
still there is no word from him.. and i cannot hope anymore that he would want to rescue my dead heart..
at the time i thought i was doing the right thing by not taking a chance with him..
and now it's way too late to even try.. becuz he doesn't want to.. and you can't hold onto someone who doesn't want you..
i know that better than anyone..

i am too strong.. i am not the type of woman who men would consider to save..
i am not some ditzy blonde with a magical pussy and big breasts and looks hot in a g-string..
i've always known that i could never be..

my heart isn't completely dead.. i do feel things.. always a wanting.. a yearning to know again what it was like to be connected to someone who loved me too..

i have high standards..
i don't pick the first nutbar who thinks that he can seduce me with sweet talk..
becuz talk is just that.. talk.. with no real action proving himself.. it means nothing..

that's my sister's downfall.. she's easily seduced by sweet talk.. and look where it got her..
and i think shithead knew how to play her too.. he found out her weaknesses and has used them against her to trap her..
when he met her he was looking for a way out of his situation.. and that's what my sister provided.. a way out..
and even still she's a means to an end.. and he's using that for all he can.. while he can..
he never really loved her.. he just needs her for his own solutions..

well that will not be me.. trapped and used.. it will never be me..

and if they want me.. they have to prove it.. they will have to prove it first before i even consider consenting..

and that is just the way it has to be..