feeling helpless..

i've been able to overcome lots of obstacles lately.. so i know that i can do almost anything i set my mind to..
but how can i help a friend who's across the country from me..
who is feeling the need to give into the voices that tell him to end his life?
he's feeling consumed by the darkness that is hungry to take him in..
the same darkness that calls to me too.. which i've embraced it on a different level and those voices aren't asking me to end my life anymore..
i don't know how to describe how i did it.. i think the voices were the strongest when i was fighting against them.. in a way i gave up fighting against them..
i just stopped fighting them.. and i didn't want to kill myself.. but instead i felt them kind of become a part of me.. it's hard to put this into words..
i'm not sure how it was done.. it was just a surrender and an acceptance on my part..
and then the voices were silent.. but not gone.. i can feel them still a part of me.. but they are not pounding into my thoughts.. and the pain that i felt from fighting them had eased considerably.. and i'm not taking any medications to keep them at bay.. i'm not on any medications at all to help me function.. i've done this on my own..

but how can i explain this to anyone?
and i wish i could pass this on to my dear friend who feels the darkness wanting to swallow him up.. he seems to be in a different part of darkness tho..
he's living in a part of the country that is afraid of him..
and they berate him on a daily basis.. becuz he is different from them..
and so he has come to loathe himself.. instead of being proud of his power and strength.. and thus had begun those voices that are telling him to end his life.. he is fighting them fiercely.. becuz he has such strength to fight..
and he is a fighter..
which is one of the reasons why i love him.. becuz of his strength of will..
he is so strong..

if only i could be there to reassure him that he is not alone..
i know that i'm thousands of miles away.. but he is not alone..

i understand so very well.. of the isolation.. and the sorrow of feeling disconnected from people..
the pain of feeling like a burden on anyone and everyone..
that there is no one who would want and could save me from my pain and heartache..

believe me, Bryan..
i do know.. of all people.. i do understand.. and felt it too.. and still feel it sometimes when i am alone in my room..

if only you could believe me.. that you are not alone..
i'm hoping that one of those voices you hear is mine..
telling you that i'm here for you.. and that i love you, my brother in darkness...